Maybe this time...

I have decided to try this blogging thing again. I have been going through some stuff and thought it may be helpful to write about it. I was going to start a whole new blog, but thought I would just re-use this one....the name still seems applicable! About me: In February 2011 I met a wonderful woman who transformed my life. I didn't know it at the time, but big changes were-a-coming'! D and I had been in counseling for a while, it was the end of the road for us. I was (slightly) over weight, and miserable (but I didn't know it at the time. D offered to pay for personal training sessions for me since my stint at Curves proves fruitless. I accepted. What could a month worth of 30 minute sessions 3x a week hurt? So I accepted. Went once and had e hardest 7 minute work out of my life. I literally couldn't walk for days! I had to ease myself up and down the stairs....ugh! But it felt good to be doing something. Then she asked me the dreaded question...how is your diet? Good!!!! I eat healthy! (lie). She said, you should try The Primal Blueprint...she explained a bit what it was about, told me to go onto fit day.com and log my food so she could see what I was eating. I thought "No way can I eat this way!" what am I going to do without my Reece's Puffs in the morning and Pasta at night? So, I bought the book and launched right in....slowly. I had to clean out my pantry right??!!! BUT...after just 5 days of eating this way, something started to change. I started smiling again. I didn't even notice that I wasn't smiling. D even remarked that it was good to see me smiling again. I started to have energy...I was napping an average of 2 hours a day. I thought this was normal for me! I loved my naps!!! By April I wasn't napping at all and I was weaning off my depression and anxiety meds, one of which I had been on for 8ish years! These meds were costing me hundreds of dollars per month because there were no generics...I now use that money to continue my personal training. It is a better use of time and money! I also had bad heartburn. I was popping Tums every single night so I could get to sleep. Not to mention a lot of other gross gastrointestinal upset. I didn't realize it until 6 months later that I hadn't been using Tums at all, all the gross stuff had disappeared! D and I were having fun again and laughing. I think eating this way saved my marriage and my life! This brings me to my next point of clarification. This is why I post so much Paleo/Primal Propoganda on mynfacebook page. I would love everyone to feel as good as I do! I tried every diet under the sun, every pill....I have never stuck to anything...EVER! Now, after a year and a half I am still doing it! I have lost 30 lbs, and went from a size 14 to a 2!!!! No, I am not 100%. Which is what brings me to the present. I have let myself slip back into old ways. Though I haven't eaten anything (at home) from a box in over a year, I eat out a lot. You can't unlearn what you have learned, but you can keep your head buried in the sand. Which is what I have been doing. I have less energy than I used to and have let naps creep back in. Though now I call them s-naps (short naps). They rarely go over 45-60mins. I need to clean up my act, literally. I have some things that I NEED to get motivated for. I am not going to get into my reasons just yet. I realized that dairy is affecting me poorly. I haven't been able to get rid of my daily, sometimes twice daily Starbucks vanilla latte. I am now noticing a gross mucusy reaction after I eat or drink dairy. But the true addict that I am, I haven't been able to give it up. That and nicotine. So, I decided to blog about it. Hoping that some form of talking aboutnitnwill help. I have a tendency to keep it all in and then I have a major stress reaction. I am full of anxiety and trepidation about my journey. Both of the above listed things are huge crutches for me. Please don't judge if these seem like easy things to give up to you. I wish they WERE easy for ME.